StabbityFaceDeath Shiny Dead Brain Cells
by CaterinavIntegra3
Summary: A girl walks home from work and gets attacked by a vampire. What does she do!


Hello, the only reason that I wrote this is because I don't believe that it is right to have a fanfiction account with a billion favorite stories but not even one original one, so this was conceived and birthed in two hours! Yay!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Daft Punk, any of Daft Punk's songs including but not limited to "Aerodynamics", Hellsing, Alucard, Integra, the .454 Casull, or the G-LOL style (although it would be cool if I did). I am not making any money from this whatsoever. I also don't own pepper spray, although it sounds delicious. *Some dude out of nowhere comes up and sprays me in the face.* AUGHHHH! I WAS WRONG, HORRIBLY WRONG!!!!!

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One night a girl by the name of Cindy is walking home from her job. She is wearing a cute lolita maid outfit because that's the uniform for the girls at the tea house that she works at. So she's walking along listening to "Aerodynamics" by Daft Punk, because it's stuck in her head and has been bothering her for the past three weeks when all of a sudden she hears a scream in the alley.

"What the hell was that?" she says to no one in particular. The sound peaks her curiosity, so she decides to go check it out even though the little voice of reason in the back of her head is telling her not to, but another much larger voice in her head is saying:

"Dude, I totally need to check out that alley. There could be some totally awesome…thing in there."

"What if there isn't? What if it's some thief, rapist, murderer, etc. in there?"

"Wha? Pbfft. I can be a tough bitch if I need to be, and besides I have pepper spray; pepper spray fixes everything. "

"What if…"

"PEPPER SPRAY FIXES EVERYTHING!!!" So Cindy goes inside of the alley.

At the end of the alley lies a dead girl with her clothes torn. Cindy looks a little closer and sees that there are two puncture wounds on the dead girl's neck that look sort of like fang marks.

"Oh, shit. If I didn't know any better, I'd think that she was a vampire attack victim."

"That's because she was a vampire attack victim, and soon you'll be one too! MWAH HA HA HA!!!", and the evil vampire grabs Cindy and turns her around to face him. That was his big mistake though, because it gave her the chance to knee him in his groin. As expected he falls down in pain, and Cindy uses that to repeatedly stab him in the eye with her seven inch high stiletto heel. She didn't become the Murderess Maid character for nothing (it's part of her job).

While she's fulfilling her lifelong dream of committing stabbity-face-death, some really tall guy in red casually walks over to her with an amused expression on his face.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm stabbing this dude, who just tried to kill me, in the face with my wickedly high heels. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"You know that he's a vampire, right?"

"…He may have said something about that."

"Would you like for me to finish him off for you?"

"Sure, why not. Whatchagot?" Alucard (duh, this is a Hellsing fic) pulls out his .454 Casull. Cindy stops stabbing the poor, evil vampire and gasps as only a rabid fangirl who has just met someone that she is going to rape can.

"Oh my goodness that is the biggest, **SHINIEST** handgun that I've ever seen. I want one." Alucard just smiles and shoots the vampire in the head, which has two effects: one is killing the vampire, and the other is splattering Cindy in blood. Cindy doesn't really care for she is much too busy staring at Alucard's gun. (It is marvelous, isn't it?)

"I want one," she squeaks pitifully. All of a sudden Integra shows up and starts inquiring on how the mission went. Alucard and Integra have a nice little chat about it wherein Alucard calls Cindy "this crazy girl with high heels on", but Cindy doesn't notice, because the shiny gun has hypnotized her.

"We wants it. We must haves it. The precious," she mutters in a raspy voice while creeping towards Alucard.

"See, I told you she's crazy."

"Maybe we should drop her off at home, and make her think that it was all a dream."

"Yes, we should definitely do that." So Alucard does his mind-rape thing, finds out where Cindy lives, and leaves her unconscious on the couch. The next morning Cindy wakes up and reflects on the events of last night.

"I know that last night wasn't some dream, because they forgot to clean my clothes, but trying to find the man with the precious is totally out of the question, and if I tell anyone about it I'll be submitted into a mental institution. … Man, this sucks!"

So Cindy goes on with her life and eventually becomes a world renowned automated weapons designer, because she wanted the precious even if she had to make it herself.

The End

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If you actually made it to the end of this story, then CONGRATULATIONS!, you have just killed about three and one-half brain cells. Don't blame me; the title warned you.


End file.
